Are you guilty of hearing, but not listening? Are you guilty of listening, but maybe not to everything, and then jumping in with a response? Are you guilty of responding by telling the other person the same thing happened to you and than turning it into all about you? Do you give judgement or advice? Do you give advice that isn't asked for? Sometimes you just need to zip it and listen. I am not going to pat myself on the back, because I have been guilty of some of those things, but I have always been told I was a good listener. My friends and family have always come to me when they need to talk it out, or looking for advice. I may not have any, but I can listen. I think everyone can think back through their relationships and remember a time that maybe they didn't listen, they weren't focused on the person and their words, or they gave advice where none was asked for, or even needed. Or maybe you even jumped to conclusions or became accusatory or judgmental before even hearing what the person said.
James 1:19 - Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger
I can use the book of Job here for example. If you've never studied it, now is a good time (at least read my post here). Jobs friends had good intentions, initially, when God allowed Satan to test him. Job went through a terrible time of suffering, he lost most everything dear to him; his children, his lands, his wealth, and his health. His friends went to him intent on comfort. They sat with him in silence and bore the pain with him. But after that they began opening their mouths and accusing Job of wrong-doing, of losing favor with God. Instead of comfort they began to tear him down with their words. Job needed encouragement, help, comfort, strength...not to be told he did something wrong so he deserved the wrath bestowed on him. But his friends hadn't waited for Job to speak instead they made assumptions. Job had faith God knew what he was doing but his friends seemed to forget that. God has a plan and it may not be roses and sunshine, but it's still His plan; even the suffering. A friend is to listen, to comfort, and to advise from the Word that He has given to us.
Proverbs 18:13 - If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
How many of you can think of a time this has happened to you? Have you gone to a friend, or spouse, or family member and needed to talk only to be ignored, or worse? I can think of several times this has happened to me. Never be too busy to listen. Hear it, engage in it, and respond if a response is needed. Sometimes the response will just be a hug. The most annoying thing ever is when you are trying to pour yourself out, or even just randomly discussing something, no matter how trivial, and the other person is in no way hearing you. They may look at you and pretend to be listening, but they have not heard a word you said. Don't be like that. It doesn't matter if you think what they are saying is pointless, unimportant, or doesn't concern you. Not only is that behavior utterly rude, God tells us to respond differently right there in His word. We are to be quick to hear, slow to speak.
The following is from Bible.org
I’m Not Listening
When I’m thinking about an answer while others are talking, I’m not listening.
When I give unsolicited advice, I’m not listening.
When I suggest they shouldn’t feel the way they do, I’m not listening.
When I apply a quick fix, I’m not listening.
When I fail to acknowledge their feelings, I’m not listening.
When I fail to maintain eye contact, I’m not listening.
When I don’t ask follow-up questions, I’m not listening.
When I top their story with a bigger, better story of my own, I’m not listening.
When they share a difficult experience and I counter with one of my own, I’m not listening.
Really, all I have to do is listen. I don’t have to talk, just listen.
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