PUSHED
There was this one particularly bad day, where you know, nothing goes right. I woke up late, couldn’t find anything to wear, nearly missed the bus and forgot my lunch. It was also raining and I slipped and almost landed on my butt in front of everyone and that was all before I even reached the school parking lot. By the time I had gotten there, I was really in no mood for the everyday normal pushing and shoving and teasing I endured on most mornings. I wasn’t the most beautiful in school, not by far, nor was I the smartest and definitely was not popular. Most days I was fine with that. I didn’t see anything wrong with just being me. Sure, like most people, I questioned, on occasion, what was wrong with me that I seemed to be the brunt of everyone’s jokes. However, I just ignored it and tried to make it through the day. I’ve never been one to have to have a large number of friends, to be popular, or any of the things that so many other girls wanted. So, if I didn’t fit in with this group or that group, I was fine with it, because I didn’t want to be part of it anyway.
When I reached my locker, with all the usual people who lurked about, I just wanted to shove my bag in, get my books I needed and get to homeroom. Apparently that was not the same agenda as the girls standing around me. First, they had to get their digs in on how I was dressed, not that there is anything wrong with my clothes; they just liked to give me a hard time. Next, it was my hair, which was long and wavy and sure maybe not brushed that well that morning because I was sort-of in a hurry. Like usual, I just tuned them out and really become un-aware of what they were saying, but they were relentless that day. The next thing I heard from their mouths was when they started telling me a bogus story they’ve tried to convince me of for weeks and I than felt something bubbling up from inside me.
“He really does like you,” one of them said. I tried to ignore her. Of course I knew who they were talking about because they had been feeding me this for a week. It was about a beautiful blonde boy named Jarred was who they kept claiming had some sort of crush on me or some such nonsense. I never believed them for one second. I only ever tried to figure out in my mind what their goal was for telling me such lies? What were they hoping to gain? What kind of reaction did they expect me to have? I refused to give them any reaction as I’ve done for weeks when they taunted me over this. Anyway, why would it have been so terrible if this boy really had liked me? I also wondered if they teased him or at least told him about the lies they’ve been saying to me, I thought they were his friends. It didn’t matter, it wasn’t true. Still, part of me kind-of wished it was, and another part of me had wanted to march over to him and ask him if the lies they told were true, or if he knew what these girls were saying to me because I had felt that they weren’t just making fun of me, but him as well.
“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” One of the girls asked me. I didn’t look at her, or acknowledge her existence. Then when they all laughed at me, that fire that had been bubbling up inside me suddenly spewed out of my mouth. The words just came out and I didn’t even hear what I was saying. I knew I didn’t say much, but I could tell by the look on their faces that they were shocked. I then left them standing there in the hall, speechless. I walked toward homeroom. My hands shook as I played over in my mind what had happened. It felt like someone had possessed my body for a moment and fought back. That wasn’t like me. I guessed the years of being bullied and weeks of being taunted was more than one person could handle. So, there wasn’t going be any crying in the halls, at lunch, in the bathroom, or at home – not that day. That day I had pushed back, and the girl with the biggest mouth, with the most to say everyday, she suddenly couldn’t muster up one single word. So, for one day at least, the teasing had stopped but I’d wondered what tomorrow would bring.
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