For my second blog post today - yeah..I know..that is a new record! (but I won't get a chance to post it this weekend)- nothing special...just a short, short piece I wrote. I may use this in another story as a scene, or may use the idea, or just leave this as is....I'm not sure yet. It's not a great piece of writing, but it's what was on the brain today.
PUSH BACK
This was a particular crappy day, you know, where nothing goes right. I woke up late, couldn’t find anything to wear, nearly missed the bus, forgot my lunch; it was raining and I slipped and almost landed on my butt in front of everyone and that was all before I even reached the school parking lot. By the time I had gotten there, I was really in no mood for the everyday normal pushing and shoving and teasing I endured on most mornings. I wasn’t the most beautiful in school, not by far, nor was I the smartest and definitely not popular. Most days I am fine with that, just being me. I like who I am and don’t see anything wrong with me. Sure, like most people, I question, on occasion, what is wrong with me that I seem to be the brunt of everyone’s jokes, but I just grin and bear it and try to make it through the day. I’ve never been out to have a large number of friends, to be popular, or any of the things so many other girls were after, so if I didn’t fit in with this group or that group, I was fine with it because I don’t want to be part of it anyway.
When I reach my locker, with the usual people lurking about, I just wanted to shove my bag in, get my books I needed and get to homeroom. Apparently that is not the same agenda as the girls standing around me. First they have to get their digs in on how I am dressed, not that there is anything wrong with my clothes; they just like to give me a hard time. Next it’s my hair which is long and wavy and yeah it may not be brushed that well this morning, I was sort-of in a hurry. I just tune them out and really become un-aware of what they are saying, I just know they are there, and that I could feel something bubbling up from inside me. The next thing I hear from their mouths is when they start in on this bogus story they’ve been trying to feed me for weeks.
“He really does like you,” one of them said. I just ignored her. Of course I knew who they were talking about because they’ve been on this kick for a while. A beautiful blonde boy named Jarred was who they kept claiming had some sort of crush on me or some such nonsense. I didn’t believe them for one second. I kept trying to figure out in my mind what their goal was for telling me such lies? What did they hope to gain? What kind of reaction did they expect me to have? I refuse to give them any reaction as I’ve done for weeks when they taunted me over this. And why would it be so terrible if this boy really did like me? I also wondered if they teased him or at least told him about the lies they’ve been saying to me, I thought they were his friends. It didn’t matter, it wasn’t true. Still, part of me kind-of wished it was, and another part of me wanted to march over to him and ask him if the lies they told were true, or at the very least tell him what they would say to me because I felt they weren’t just making fun of me, but him as well.
“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” One of the girls asks me. I didn’t look at her, didn’t acknowledge their existence, but then when they started laughing at me, that fire that had been bubbling up inside me suddenly spewed out of my mouth. The words just came out and I couldn’t even hear what I was saying. I didn’t say much, but I could tell by the look on their faces that they were shocked and I left them standing there in the hall, speechless. I walked toward homeroom; my hands were shaking as I was playing over in my mind what had just happened. It felt like someone had possessed my body for a moment and fought back. Years of being bullied, weeks of being taunted, I guess it was more than one person could handle. There isn’t going be any crying in the halls, at lunch, in the bathroom, or at home – not this time, not today. Today I pushed back, and the girl with the biggest mouth, the most to say, suddenly couldn’t muster up one single word. So, for today, the teasing stopped. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
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