The good, the bad, and the excess

First for today's post, a small update on my Weight Watchers journey. It's been going well. I've been on the plan for 3 weeks and each week I have lost some weight. I am down now, at least according to my scale, first thing in the morning, almost 11 lbs. I feel great about it, but I do wonder if it's possible that I even lost that much. Here's why; I've been having some health issues totally un-related to my weight watchers diet and went with reluctancy to see my doctor and of course they weighed me. I was expecting the number on their scale to be higher than on mine, but not that much higher! There was a 4 lb difference. Of course I was weighed in the late morning, before lunch, but after breakfast and lots of water. Still I wonder how off my own scale is. I can't say it's been super easy because there are days when I just want to eat what I want, when I want it and not have to calculate how many points it is. I've been trying really hard to keep tracking everything I eat and fining all the foods points values. It will be worth it, at least that's what I keep telling myself.



So that's some good news. More good news is that my doctor also wanted to send me for bloodwork since it's been at least 3 years since I had it done. Got great results back and she and I are both pleased. At my age and my family history of heart problems she went ahead and did a cholesterol check - I had great numbers. So my blood at least tells us that I am healthy, but still have this other issue that sometimes seems better and than rears it's ugly head again. That's the bad news. Even worse if what we're doing now doesn't make it go away I'll have to have some unpleasant tests done and it will cost me money. If you know me at all, you know I hate to spend money, especially on myself, and especially large sums of it at once. What's worse is sometimes you go ahead with these tests, spend the money, and they still can't find anything wrong with you. I'm not a huge fan of the conventional medical approach..and don't get me started on health insurance. In this day and age that is definitely a sore spot for so many, me included.

So some good, some bad and now the excess, as in worry. I know some of you may be shocked to learn, but I am a huge worrywort. The dictionary defines a worrywort as, "One who worries excessively and needlessly" (The Free Dictionary). Yeah, that pretty much sums up my entire life. Case in point; I called my mother last night to check in and find out about her picking up this candy she ordered from my son and we started talking. Just some random chit chat about this and that and she says something to me about it's like me to worry, I worry a lot and about everything all the time. My mother could tell you that even as a child I did. People often tell me I need to stop that and not worry about stuff because I can't change the outcome, it is what it is or will be. Well that is sort of like telling someone to stop breathing. Can you ever stop being a worrywort if you are one? I know that since becoming a mother it has only made it that much worse. But what can I do about it? It's me..even my mother says so! The bad part is that my son seems to have inherited that least desirable trait of mine.

More good - I've been kicking some story ideas around in my head a lot lately and I really want to get back to writing short stories and/or longer fiction pieces. I desperately want to finish the book length story I started. I got so blocked after the 2nd chapter and feel anything beyond that is utter crap. My problem is I am over-analyzing it too much instead of just writing. I am critiquing and editing and fixing errors and figuring out word lengths and chapter breaks while I write the story. That is WAY too much going on in my head at one time to actually get any good ideas written down (or rather typed in). I sabotage myself constantly. I need to refocus and it's been too long. To keep my creative juices going I have been drawing, making jewelry and occasionally writing in this blog but always in the back of my mind that book I started is screaming at me to finish it. Maybe I can be the next Stephanie Meyer, hahaha!

Moral of the day, don't be "a person who tends to dwell unduly on difficulty or troubles" (google definition of worrywort), take it from me. Most of the time it just causes you needless stress and may land you at your doctors office or worse. With excessive worry sometimes come panic attacks. After 30 some years of life I'm not sure if I'll ever learn how to stop worrying; like the Weight Watchers, it takes work and a lot of focus.