Over the weekend my husband and myself took the kids to a local farm where they have several fall festivities for the kids, and adults, like a pumpkin patch and corn maze. We met up with a friend from my son's preschool (where he went last year). While the kids, my 3 and 5 year old and her twin 5 year olds, wandered about, excited about finding the next check point in the maze, along with my husband, the two of us moms had some nice chats. It just makes me feel more normal when I speak to other moms who go through the same struggles day in and day out as I do in being a parent. Being a parent is probably the hardest job I've ever had. It's not that we don't love our kids, because though they may drive us crazy, we are so thankful for them everyday, and feel blessed, though when you're repeating yourself over and over and over and they child isn't listening, that may be the farthest thing from your mind.
That said, anyone who thinks having kids is easy is very wrong and likely doesn't have their own kids...or perhaps they do, and are lying about what really goes on at home. I have found that when you speak to people who's kids are grown, like my parents, they make it sound as though raising kids was blissfully simple. This makes me think...gee..what am I doing wrong?...because there is nothing blissful or simple about potty-training or trying to make the kids clean up their toys or rooms after you've told them more than 3 times. I think more people need to tell it like it is, and while we're at, let's tell our teens just how un-glorious having to raise a child can be, and if you're doing it on your own, it's so much harder. Teen pregnancy once again seems to be on the rise...why? Is is lack of understanding, communication, or is it something teens deliberately want to do?
"In 2006, the teen birth rate increased 3%, to 41.9 births per 1,000 women ages 15-19." It's hard to get any recent data on this, this seems to be the most recent out there. You find this right from the CDC. A 15-year-old is certainly not ready to be a parent. I'm not certain that there are any 19-year-olds who are truely ready to be a parent. That is just too young. If the job of being a parent is hard for me at 30 something, imagine being a teenager. With the increase in teen pregnancies also comes an increase in abortion. Best i could find out is that it increased 1%. That may seem small, but 1% is killing a lot of babies. Any increase in abortion is not a good thing for teens or older women. (i'll stop my talk on abortion there or it will take over this post) If I were teen who got pregnant, or even a young un-married woman, I would be panicked and freaking out about how I was gonna care for a child when I was still one myself. This doesn't seem to sink it with a lot of these parents.
I just wanted to add here, it appears that rates are down in some states, but up in others. "There were 171 births to mothers ages 15 to 19 in Washington County [MD] in 2009....That is down about 11 percent from 2008’s total of 192 and down about 28 percent from 2007’s total of 238."
You have to be seeing the headlines on tabloids, and maybe on TV about the young parents from the MTV show Teen Mom. This is a spin off show from "16 and pregnant". I've seen episodes from both series. I have to say, MTV may be touting teen awareness about pregnancy and discouraging it, however, the show doesn't seem to discourage as much as show how some of these teen moms still go about a "normal" life even though they have an infant or toddler at home. They do this many times because their parents are caring for their child while they are out being teenagers, and yes, still having sex and still not being careful. The show has struck me more as showing teens that it's okay if you get pregnant because see how these girls did it and are doing fine. Now not all the girls are so irresponsible or have things easy.
I recently saw a headline in a magazine that one of the teen couples who opted to put their baby up for adoption (a responsible decision, in my opinion, if they felt they couldn't keep the baby) now miss their baby and want it back. Well, this is to be expected. This couple also gets updates on the child, an open adoption. I don't agree with this type of adoption. I think this only makes it harder for the birth parents to move on. Yes they will always miss their baby and always wonder, but if there were no contact with the child or adoptive parents, I feel it may be easier for them to go on with their lives...either way you look at it, adoption is hard...being a teen mother, or unwed mother, is hard. The best choice is to not get yourself into that situation.
If I've learned anything in the last 6 years is kids are wonderful, although it's incredibly hard work to raise them right. It's hard to know what the right decisions are when raising your kids. You need to do what is best for you and them. Don't listen to other people when they tell you how they raised their child or that you should be doing this or that, or they are surprised your child isn't doing this or that. All kids are different. All mothers are different. All parenting styles are different. You do what's best for all of you. Those of us who are responsible parents want the best for our kids, and would die trying to give it to them. I thought pregnancy was hard - ha - no one ever told me how much your life would change and how hard it would be to be a parent. People say, well you're never really ready for kids...I don't agree. My husband wasn't ready when I was, so we waited. When he was ready and he felt we had a nest egg to support a child we planned to have our first child. After the birth of my son and a very hard first 7 months, I wasn't sure I wanted to do it again...it was that hard.
The next time my husband was ready to have a second child and I wasn't. When I thought I was, we planned again. When I got pregnant with my daughter all sorts of anxiety set in. Her infancy was much easier, but then I had an infant and a toddler...trust me, it wasn't easy. Some parents have kids even closer in age, either by accident or intent. No matter when you choose to have a second child it will still be a juggling act. I think you can be 'ready' to have kids, and you can try to be prepared but no one is ever full prepared because all kids are different. You can't predict if you'll have an easy baby or a hard baby. I think it's very important to be 'ready', both emotionally and financially. Don't have a baby and expect others to raise your child for you or pay for your child...that does not help you, or your child. Teens are not ready to parents, plain and simple. This MTV show may have had good intentions, but I am not seeing the benefits of such a show.
That said, anyone who thinks having kids is easy is very wrong and likely doesn't have their own kids...or perhaps they do, and are lying about what really goes on at home. I have found that when you speak to people who's kids are grown, like my parents, they make it sound as though raising kids was blissfully simple. This makes me think...gee..what am I doing wrong?...because there is nothing blissful or simple about potty-training or trying to make the kids clean up their toys or rooms after you've told them more than 3 times. I think more people need to tell it like it is, and while we're at, let's tell our teens just how un-glorious having to raise a child can be, and if you're doing it on your own, it's so much harder. Teen pregnancy once again seems to be on the rise...why? Is is lack of understanding, communication, or is it something teens deliberately want to do?
"In 2006, the teen birth rate increased 3%, to 41.9 births per 1,000 women ages 15-19." It's hard to get any recent data on this, this seems to be the most recent out there. You find this right from the CDC. A 15-year-old is certainly not ready to be a parent. I'm not certain that there are any 19-year-olds who are truely ready to be a parent. That is just too young. If the job of being a parent is hard for me at 30 something, imagine being a teenager. With the increase in teen pregnancies also comes an increase in abortion. Best i could find out is that it increased 1%. That may seem small, but 1% is killing a lot of babies. Any increase in abortion is not a good thing for teens or older women. (i'll stop my talk on abortion there or it will take over this post) If I were teen who got pregnant, or even a young un-married woman, I would be panicked and freaking out about how I was gonna care for a child when I was still one myself. This doesn't seem to sink it with a lot of these parents.
I just wanted to add here, it appears that rates are down in some states, but up in others. "There were 171 births to mothers ages 15 to 19 in Washington County [MD] in 2009....That is down about 11 percent from 2008’s total of 192 and down about 28 percent from 2007’s total of 238."
You have to be seeing the headlines on tabloids, and maybe on TV about the young parents from the MTV show Teen Mom. This is a spin off show from "16 and pregnant". I've seen episodes from both series. I have to say, MTV may be touting teen awareness about pregnancy and discouraging it, however, the show doesn't seem to discourage as much as show how some of these teen moms still go about a "normal" life even though they have an infant or toddler at home. They do this many times because their parents are caring for their child while they are out being teenagers, and yes, still having sex and still not being careful. The show has struck me more as showing teens that it's okay if you get pregnant because see how these girls did it and are doing fine. Now not all the girls are so irresponsible or have things easy.
I recently saw a headline in a magazine that one of the teen couples who opted to put their baby up for adoption (a responsible decision, in my opinion, if they felt they couldn't keep the baby) now miss their baby and want it back. Well, this is to be expected. This couple also gets updates on the child, an open adoption. I don't agree with this type of adoption. I think this only makes it harder for the birth parents to move on. Yes they will always miss their baby and always wonder, but if there were no contact with the child or adoptive parents, I feel it may be easier for them to go on with their lives...either way you look at it, adoption is hard...being a teen mother, or unwed mother, is hard. The best choice is to not get yourself into that situation.
If I've learned anything in the last 6 years is kids are wonderful, although it's incredibly hard work to raise them right. It's hard to know what the right decisions are when raising your kids. You need to do what is best for you and them. Don't listen to other people when they tell you how they raised their child or that you should be doing this or that, or they are surprised your child isn't doing this or that. All kids are different. All mothers are different. All parenting styles are different. You do what's best for all of you. Those of us who are responsible parents want the best for our kids, and would die trying to give it to them. I thought pregnancy was hard - ha - no one ever told me how much your life would change and how hard it would be to be a parent. People say, well you're never really ready for kids...I don't agree. My husband wasn't ready when I was, so we waited. When he was ready and he felt we had a nest egg to support a child we planned to have our first child. After the birth of my son and a very hard first 7 months, I wasn't sure I wanted to do it again...it was that hard.
The next time my husband was ready to have a second child and I wasn't. When I thought I was, we planned again. When I got pregnant with my daughter all sorts of anxiety set in. Her infancy was much easier, but then I had an infant and a toddler...trust me, it wasn't easy. Some parents have kids even closer in age, either by accident or intent. No matter when you choose to have a second child it will still be a juggling act. I think you can be 'ready' to have kids, and you can try to be prepared but no one is ever full prepared because all kids are different. You can't predict if you'll have an easy baby or a hard baby. I think it's very important to be 'ready', both emotionally and financially. Don't have a baby and expect others to raise your child for you or pay for your child...that does not help you, or your child. Teens are not ready to parents, plain and simple. This MTV show may have had good intentions, but I am not seeing the benefits of such a show.
I secretly hope it's because abortion has fallen out of favor. But I also know that being pregnant is considered kind of cool again.
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